The Best Thing I've Ever Done

We shipped the video to California today. Every thing is out of our hands now; it's all up to the producers...and Jesus. I just hope Jesus (AKA Dave Coulier...READ CHARLIE'S BLOG) and the producers decide to put us on the show. We'll know in a few weeks whether or not we made it.

Well, here it is...The full video is about 10 minutes, but here's the training montage as promised. Enjoy! Let me know what you think!

Call me Spielberg

Sorry for the sporadic messages everyone, but believe me when I say I've been busy. We've started filming Chris's video...and it's going to be remarkable! I don't want to give anything away just yet, but it's going to be very entertaining/revealing. I've landed (if you will) some terrific interviews with some of the most prestigious of the TCU staff. I can neither confirm nor deny that I have footage of a shirtless Qualls riding a shetland pony bareback. What I can confirm is that I've got great shots of family and friends supporting Chris with all their might.

Like I say, I don't want to give too much away, but I hope my next post contains a 1980s montage of Chris's unorthodox training...seriously.

One more thing...check out the links on the right side of the page. Those two blogs are well worth your time.


-Scoot

Still Going Strong!!!

Chris had his call back interview with American Gladiators today, and to quote him, "It could not have gone better." The interview was in a luxurious hotel in Dallas called hotel ZaZa. The room we were filmed in was Hitchcock/Deliverance creepy. It was the kind of hotel room that's filled with strange furniture (the kind you see in stores and think "wow, who the hell would buy that?") and you can tell the designers went out of their way to make the place feel European. There were two guys conducting the interview. In the center of the room they had the lampshades pulled off the lamps to keep the room better lit and a camera on a tripod. I would find it odd to be in a strange hotel room with two male camera operators who insist on filming me shirtless, but Qualls was fine with it.

From here, we have to make a movie demonstrating "What makes Chris--Chris?" So...we'll see how this goes. We're recruiting some help from TCUs film department and are confident that we will make a REMARKABLE video. I've made a promotional film for Chris before, if you don't remember it check it out here...this will make your day.

Any one got any ideas on what we should show in the film? What do you think makes Chris--Chris? Leave me a comment and let me know.

The Call Back

Sunday at 3:00, we will be going to Dallas for the second American Gladiators interview. Chris has a photoshoot as well as an interview. If we make it past this round, I'm pretty sure Chris has to go to Hollywood for a week in October. I'm not worried...at all. Chris will dominate this...like he always does. I'll let you know how it goes the minute I get back. In the mean time, keep your prayers steadily on Chris. And hope that God (Dave Coulier) can help us through this round.

Pushkick

It's very important to stretch appropriately before any major workout. Chris is a HUGE advocate of proper stretching as demonstrated in this video taken in the Gladiators parking lot...




I believe Qualls was the first ever to mix the Terry Ganter workout and the street defense of Bas Rutten.

malibu talks about his injury

This is why I love American Gladiators...oh yeah Brian Hudson (the guy who does the kicking) went on to win season one!

My Kind of Town, Chicago Is

Here's what I find fascinating: I believe that at the Gladiator auditions, we were the ones that stood out as weird. Let me say that again: I WAS THE WEIRD ONE AT AMERICAN GLADIATORS. How strange is that? That's kind of like being the ugly one at a Rosie O'Donnell lookalike convention. We were loud, cocky and dressed alike. Qualls was screaming the American Gladiators theme song in the parking lot while we were waiting in line (see video). We ate McDonald's breakfast burritos while we waited, everyone else was eating wheat grass and suffocated kumquats (they're good though, they are good). I was expecting screaming, grunting hooligans in Gladiator memorabilia. That wasn't true at all. We actually made quite a few friends. "The Pitbull" was awesome. He was an old marine vet from New York. There was also an attractive physical trainer who insisted on having pictures taken with Chris for her website (I guess she didn't see me or she was just too intimidated to ask for a quick pic.....Oh the perils of being me).

What a strange trip this turned out to be. All plans we made were deliberately indefinite. We actually were going more to travel than to arrive anywhere. Probably the strangest thing that happened was when Chris willingly and wholeheartedly became a democrat. No one saw that coming. Oh, Chris also fell passionately in love with a rubber lobster named Moleski.

Biggest Story in Skiff History

Hey guys, wanted to let you know I've got a lot of great stories, pictures and videos I'll be posting over the next two days, but right now I gotta study. If you didn't pick up a copy of the Skiff today, check out the story on Chris here.

Big Baby Got the Call Back!!!

That's right, Qualls was selected to go back for a more thorough interview in Dallas next week! By the way...the auditions were ridiculous. I have never seen so many meated-out dudes in all my life (that's what she said). The tryouts began at 9 a.m., but people started lining up at 5:30. Can you imagine showing up three and a half hours before your American Gladiators audition? Me neither, we only showed up two hours before it...in matching t-shirts. That's right, we wore shirts that read "Big Baby, Muscles of steel, heart of gold". Believe it or not, we were the only ones in matching t-shirts.


Anyway, Qualls killed in there. The audition had two parts: a physical challenge and an interview. Chris did great on the physical part, but man he rocked the interview.

We also wore our matching shirts to the annual Celtic Festival here in Chicago. We made friends.

One more thing

This video was taken just before Chris took a shower so he would look his best in the spandex tomorrow.





...you're welcome.

Sweet Home Chicago

Well, we made it. It took almost 16 hours, 100 oz. of coffee, one huge bag of sunflower seeds and one awesome mixed CD made by yours truly. Here are some highlights of the trip thus far:

Qualls got incredibly pissed off when Burger King screwed up his order, and then he spilt ketchup on his shirt and made sad faces. Wow, guess you would have had to have been there.

Chicago is truly a beautiful city. We got to see it from the 103rd floor of the Sears Tower this morning. It’s no longer the tallest building in the world, but I couldn’t tell the difference. I could see Panhandle from up there. We're staying at a ridiculously nice hotel. We're the only "Gladiator People" staying here, which is great...and kind of a shame.

Anyway, here’s the word on the Gladiator front. Qualls is a different man. He’s so intense now. He’s hardly speaking at all. He spends most of his tine visualizing his performance, and concentrating on the audition. Tonight we’re making the final changes to his application. We head to the audition tomorrow morning at 6:00 a.m.

I’ll keep you all updated as much as I can.

The American Dream

This morning my head popped off the pillow with the intensity and excitement of Christmas morning. I’m surprised I slept at all last night. 24 hours from now, I will be in Chicago. 6 hours from now, our road trip begins. This trip is probably one of the most American things I’ve ever done. It’s your traditional bildingsroman (yeah, I used it, so what? Wanna fight about it?) story. Two men embark on a cross-country adventure encountering perils no one could foresee. How perfect.

This is the quintessential American Dream. This is a country where no one can become some one over night, and where any one can find the opportunity to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Well, Chris is that no one. And those straps on those boots are joust, atlasphere, breakthrough and conquer, skytrack and the eliminator. Surely good fortune will follow us to Chicago; it is the centurion’s fate.

Correction

Just wanted to let every one know that the Skiff article probably won't appear until Tuesday. I thought it was supposed to be in Friday's paper, but apparently it got pushed back. Sigh.

Nitro...Blaze....BIG BABY!!!

Does any one have a recommendation for a good Gladiator name? Qualls is thinking Big Baby, any other ideas out there? Leave a comment and let me know.

Who's the competition?

I can’t believe it’s only four days away. Day after tomorrow we embark on the noblest of quests. I find myself wondering what kind of people we will meet at the Windy City Field House. I mean seriously—who takes a weekend to go tryout for American Gladiators? Here’s who I expect to see trying out:

The Mullets: These are the people that were SO distraught that American Gladiators was pulled in 1996 that they have refused to stop listening to the Spice Girls until the show returns. These people collected all the AG memorabilia: the lycra, the action figures and everything in between.

The People who really want to be on TV: These are the immoral, spineless frat boys who will do anything to get a cheap laugh on the national level. “Sure, I can bench press 400 so what… Oh check out that girl, $50 says I can bed her….. Nine inches—around!”

The Roiders: Bonds and McGwire worshipers who don’t know the value of fair play, these muscle bound heathens are sure to dominate the arena. What could be better for bodybuilder wannabes than a chance to workout for a living?



I think it’s interesting that Chris is the perfect mixture of these three; he’s part mullet, part frat boy and part roider. That’s why he’s the perfect contestant.

FUN FACT: For the Gladiator application, Qualls had to write a poem. Here is the Haiku he will submit:

My childhood dream lives
Nothing defeats Big Baby
Challengers READY!!!!

ALSO….Be sure to check out the Skiff on Friday. The paper is doing an article on Chris and the pursuit of his dream.

Hearts on Fire

Chris has been adhering to a very strict diet and exercise regiment over the last 43 days to get his body in peak physical condition for this weekend’s audition. It’s been a tough time living with him. He’s just so intense all the time.

Seriously. He’s extreme. You may not know this, but we’ve moved to Northern Russia to avoid the temptations of the city and try to better understand the purity that is synonymous with American Gladiators. Anyway, we really lucked out doing all this unconventional training. We were able to find a nature-based alternative to just about every traditional exercise.

To get an idea of what it’s like at my house, watch this video.





DRAGO!!!!!!

The Man Behind the Gladiator: Who is Chris Qualls?

24 Hours to Live: Chris Qualls


How do you want to leave this Earth? Ridiculously.

If you could haunt someone, who would it be? 
The Ghostbusters cast. They’d tell everyone they were seeing ghosts for real this time, and everyone would think they’d lost their minds.

What would you say is your greatest accomplishment? 
I was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize in 2005 for a proposal I submitted regarding targeted land grants for the Indian subcontinent.

What book do you most regret not finishing?
 Green Eggs and Ham. I gave up in frustration when I was in kindergarten. I thought the guy in the book was being a total dick to Sam-I-Am, and I said to myself, “Ok, I know where this story is going,” and I stopped reading.

Do you have a longstanding lie you’d like to clear up?
 I said something a few questions ago that wasn’t entirely accurate.

What has been your greatest source of strength? 
Spinach.

What is your biggest regret? 
I bought a Powerball ticket with the numbers 9, 14, 23, 26, 39, 50. I should have played the numbers 3, 10, 19, 24, 28, 37.


What’s on your epitaph? 
When I was seven years old, I read a funny epitaph in a kids’ magazine: “Here Lies the Body of Kermit Smoot. He Almost Learned to Parachute.” I don’t know if I could ever top that.

Tell us about your ideal funeral.
 Open bar. Twenty-one-plus.

What lesson do you know now that you wish you’d learned earlier? Everybody Wang Chung tonight.



The preceding post was largely copied from a Maxim interview with BJ Novak.

BIG BABY COULD BE A CHALLENGER!!!!

Some dreams must always remain a dream. In 1996, an 11-year-old boy named Chris Qualls saw one such dream vanish. His dream died with the cancelling of the hit TV show "American Gladiators". But now, with the remake of the 90s classic, Big Baby now has a real chance of ending up on a primetime network TV show. Chris Qualls and I will be travelling to Chicago this Friday to audition for highly-anticipated competitive show. The audition begins Sunday at 9 a.m.

I will do my best to keep every one updated as to how the training is going. Thank you all ahead of time for all of your thoughts and prayers that you will surely garnish on Chris. God Bless.