Who's the competition?

I can’t believe it’s only four days away. Day after tomorrow we embark on the noblest of quests. I find myself wondering what kind of people we will meet at the Windy City Field House. I mean seriously—who takes a weekend to go tryout for American Gladiators? Here’s who I expect to see trying out:

The Mullets: These are the people that were SO distraught that American Gladiators was pulled in 1996 that they have refused to stop listening to the Spice Girls until the show returns. These people collected all the AG memorabilia: the lycra, the action figures and everything in between.

The People who really want to be on TV: These are the immoral, spineless frat boys who will do anything to get a cheap laugh on the national level. “Sure, I can bench press 400 so what… Oh check out that girl, $50 says I can bed her….. Nine inches—around!”

The Roiders: Bonds and McGwire worshipers who don’t know the value of fair play, these muscle bound heathens are sure to dominate the arena. What could be better for bodybuilder wannabes than a chance to workout for a living?



I think it’s interesting that Chris is the perfect mixture of these three; he’s part mullet, part frat boy and part roider. That’s why he’s the perfect contestant.

FUN FACT: For the Gladiator application, Qualls had to write a poem. Here is the Haiku he will submit:

My childhood dream lives
Nothing defeats Big Baby
Challengers READY!!!!

ALSO….Be sure to check out the Skiff on Friday. The paper is doing an article on Chris and the pursuit of his dream.